Today I am going to share a little of what we have been going through as a family for the last week or so. I share this not only to keep this blog real, but also for my fellow adoptive families who may go through similar situations in the future.
Imagine for a moment an 8 year old child that you know well - maybe your son, nephew, or good friend's child. Imagine moving that child from their nice, comfortable life here in the US to the middle of Africa. All familiarity is now gone. They are now placed into an environment where they have new parents, a new language, new food, new home, new neighborhood, new friends, new school, and completely different culture. Oh - and imagine throwing on top of this experiencing the death of a birthparent in the past.
Anger. Confusion. Depression. Terror.
This is what our sweet son is enduring right now. Grieving. He has lost so much in his short life and been through so much recent change that we really shouldn't be surprised. His grieving comes in various forms including anger, defiance, and most frequently long episodes of crying. No - actually sobbing. Believe me - seeing your child hurt like this is heart wrenching.
So, yes, our honeymoon period has ended and the reality of what this adoption means has started to set in. We are parenting a traumatized child and it is hard. We have talked to many other adoptive families, spoken with our adoption agency, and have read many books about this topic. We knew it was coming. We knew when we decided to adopt an older child that there would be many challenges that would come along with it. But when you are in the thick of it, it is still hard.
The silver lining you may be wondering? We follow a God who heals and mends broken hearts! And He knew all of this would happen. Our reliance on Him is what has gotten us this far and what will give us the strength to endure. It is also what we KNOW will heal our son's heart in time. Would you pray that God would bind up Solomon's wounds?
He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds. Psalm 147:3
So - I share this story to keep it real for those of you who have been considering adoption, not to be a Debbie Downer. :) Adoption is wonderful, but it is also very hard. My previous posts have shown the "happy airport" pictures, but I think it is only fair to share this side of the story too. (You may also want to read another After the Airport post by a well known author and adoptive mom Jen Hatmaker.)
Now, with all that being said, I should also say that most of the time life is WONDERFUL at our house. Solomon is a sweet, sweet boy and we love that God has given him to our family. We are having some great times as a family and could not imagine things any differently. Here are a few shots of some of our fun times the last few weeks.
Imagine for a moment an 8 year old child that you know well - maybe your son, nephew, or good friend's child. Imagine moving that child from their nice, comfortable life here in the US to the middle of Africa. All familiarity is now gone. They are now placed into an environment where they have new parents, a new language, new food, new home, new neighborhood, new friends, new school, and completely different culture. Oh - and imagine throwing on top of this experiencing the death of a birthparent in the past.
Anger. Confusion. Depression. Terror.
This is what our sweet son is enduring right now. Grieving. He has lost so much in his short life and been through so much recent change that we really shouldn't be surprised. His grieving comes in various forms including anger, defiance, and most frequently long episodes of crying. No - actually sobbing. Believe me - seeing your child hurt like this is heart wrenching.
So, yes, our honeymoon period has ended and the reality of what this adoption means has started to set in. We are parenting a traumatized child and it is hard. We have talked to many other adoptive families, spoken with our adoption agency, and have read many books about this topic. We knew it was coming. We knew when we decided to adopt an older child that there would be many challenges that would come along with it. But when you are in the thick of it, it is still hard.
The silver lining you may be wondering? We follow a God who heals and mends broken hearts! And He knew all of this would happen. Our reliance on Him is what has gotten us this far and what will give us the strength to endure. It is also what we KNOW will heal our son's heart in time. Would you pray that God would bind up Solomon's wounds?
He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds. Psalm 147:3
So - I share this story to keep it real for those of you who have been considering adoption, not to be a Debbie Downer. :) Adoption is wonderful, but it is also very hard. My previous posts have shown the "happy airport" pictures, but I think it is only fair to share this side of the story too. (You may also want to read another After the Airport post by a well known author and adoptive mom Jen Hatmaker.)
Now, with all that being said, I should also say that most of the time life is WONDERFUL at our house. Solomon is a sweet, sweet boy and we love that God has given him to our family. We are having some great times as a family and could not imagine things any differently. Here are a few shots of some of our fun times the last few weeks.
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| Trying out his bike. |
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| Brotherly love. |
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| Quality time on the Wii. |
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| First Cardinals game! |
praying for you, Dana! we know exactly what you're going through. thanks for the honesty. it's hard to put it all out there, but hopefully other families will realize that they're not alone. our God DOES heal. and He will heal my boys and yours. that's where we daily put our trust. hang in there! and i'm so very glad that you're able to relish in the great moments, too. they really are so wonderful! xoxo
ReplyDeleteI am praying!!!
ReplyDeleteAccepted in the Beloved,
MaryLou
Dana - We are praying, praying, praying for all of you! I am thankful there are good moments, those are what keep you energized.
ReplyDeleteBy the way, we lived on a daily dose of Red Wine and Reese's Peanut Butter Cups for 3 months. I highly recommend it :)
Thank you for sharing not only the joys, but the challenges. Our prayers are with the four of you. While our son is much younger, we can remember the night that it sunk in that he wasn't going back to what he knew as home, and how hard that was.
ReplyDeleteGod does heal hearts and will continue to bless you all.
This is so true and what a adjustment for everyone especially for Soloman. God Bless everyone and he will heal the wounds.
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