"So, are they real brothers?" - random lady at the grocery store
"Yes, they are." - me
"No, I mean, are they real brothers?" - random lady again
These are questions we get asked All. The. Time. We get it everywhere - strangers, friends, family, our patients at the office. We certainly try to have grace when asked these questions, as we know most people have good intentions. We know that our family sticks out a bit. We know we don't look like the typical American family. We know that people are curious about how our family was put together. And we understand that when you say "real" you are meaning "biological."
While I had been wanting to blog about this topic for quite some time, another blogger beat me to it! She summed it up nicely so instead of rambling on, I will just let you read it HERE.
As for us, we're not really sure what the best way is to reply to these questions. We are typically nice, but then that brings on a long line of more probing questions. I think most family and friends are just curious and we don't mind sharing more about how our family was put together with them. But the person behind us at the grocery store??? That is a bit harder. Especially when people start asking these questions in front of the boys.
Not too long ago, we overheard a conversation between the boys that went something like this:
"Well, we are not real brothers." - Joseph says to Solomon
"What do you mean? You ARE real brothers." - me chiming in
"You know what we mean mom, we aren't real brothers." - Solomon replies
Ughhh. And so a long discussion about our real family ensued.
I love the last line from the post linked above which I think says it all. "Adoption is messy, complicated, bittersweet. But it’s also beautiful, life-altering, and oh, so very real."
"Yes, they are." - me
"No, I mean, are they real brothers?" - random lady again
These are questions we get asked All. The. Time. We get it everywhere - strangers, friends, family, our patients at the office. We certainly try to have grace when asked these questions, as we know most people have good intentions. We know that our family sticks out a bit. We know we don't look like the typical American family. We know that people are curious about how our family was put together. And we understand that when you say "real" you are meaning "biological."
While I had been wanting to blog about this topic for quite some time, another blogger beat me to it! She summed it up nicely so instead of rambling on, I will just let you read it HERE.
As for us, we're not really sure what the best way is to reply to these questions. We are typically nice, but then that brings on a long line of more probing questions. I think most family and friends are just curious and we don't mind sharing more about how our family was put together with them. But the person behind us at the grocery store??? That is a bit harder. Especially when people start asking these questions in front of the boys.
Not too long ago, we overheard a conversation between the boys that went something like this:
"Well, we are not real brothers." - Joseph says to Solomon
"What do you mean? You ARE real brothers." - me chiming in
"You know what we mean mom, we aren't real brothers." - Solomon replies
Ughhh. And so a long discussion about our real family ensued.
I love the last line from the post linked above which I think says it all. "Adoption is messy, complicated, bittersweet. But it’s also beautiful, life-altering, and oh, so very real."
"What is REAL?" the Velveteen Rabbit asked the Skin Horse one day. "Does it mean having things that buzz inside you and a stick-out handle?"
ReplyDelete"Real isn't how you are made," said the Skin Horse. "It's a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but REALLY loves you, then you become Real."
Thank you for this.
ReplyDeleteOur son was born in South Korea and came home to us last April. As we are in the process of making him a brother, I know this is a conversation we will be having in the future.
Last week at his Gym class, a woman said "He seems tall, but then again, you're tall" to which I replied "This is true". About a minute later I chuckled, thinking "wait a minute. He's not tall because I am, but that's o.k.".
A year ago, I was still aware that there were differences. In my head, I pre-qualified his activities (swimming lessons, Little Gym) with "He hasn't done this before, he's adopted". But our relationship now is so natural that I don't think of it. I don't know which side he gets his height from, but I can tell you he's really my son! And I'm really grateful for it.
Such a good story. You are a REAL FAMILY, and thats all that matters. Love you all.
ReplyDelete